Tim and I don’t yell at each other much, and we hardly ever fight. (We bicker some, but we rarely fight.) This evening, we yelled at each other – really yelled – and I slammed the basement door really hard a couple of times. (He was downstairs and we were yelling at each other about whether a particular basket of laundry was clean, why couldn’t he tell that it was clean, why had I left the clean laundry downstairs instead of bringing it up, etc.)
I could tell the kids were surprised because they both got quiet and were really paying attention. After we stopped yelling, Big Brother hollered “Why don’t you just get a divorce!”
Now granted, BB doesn’t really understand what divorce is or what exactly it means for the family involved. Tim and I both reassured him that we’re NOT going to get divorced, etc. and I think he was satisfied. But it certainly made me stop and see our (occassional) bickering through his eyes.
It is well known that Tim is a saint. Now get back to the kitchen
I know I worry about how the boys think about our arguing. They are always trying to stop us, telling us to “be nice” to each other. It’s interesting how our kids see the world, isn’t it?
~Michelle
It’s good to see that you two save your fighting energy for really important things. Tim, sorry about raising a door slammer.
Dad
It’s amazing how something that a kid says can make you stop dead in your tracks and start thinking!
We get the kids !!!
Well, why DID you leave the clean laundry downstairs?
There’s something very positive about this story. BB got right in there and hollered, too. (Like you said, he didn’t understand what he was advising you and your husband to do.) That says there wasn’t a scary amount of tension filling the air — it’s been my experience that makes kids clam up — and that BB feels it’s OK for everyone in the house to express themselves. Conflict is never pleasant, and yes, you should minimize it, especially in front of the wee ones. But it happens. And it sounds like your son understands you can get mad at those you love. (Of course, you should remember that this is the wisdom of a barren spinster.)
Mimi – hmm, getting rid of Tim AND both kids? Don’t tempt me! (Just kidding, of course.)
Dad – You’re right, and thanks for the perspective.
Bets – I left a half-full basket of clean dish towels downstairs because we were doing our weekly laundry and I knew it would get filled up with the next load. Plus I knew we weren’t going to fold until after the kids went to bed, and I didn’t want baskets of clean clothes all over the living room until then. So there!
Gal – thanks for the support! I hadn’t thought of it that way. I can remember when my parents fought as kids (yes, Dad and Mimi, we heard you fighting sometimes) it took all my nerve to screw up enough courage to yell downstairs and say “stop fighting!” I’m glad that BB feels comfortable enough letting us know he’s not happy with the situation. (Hah, usually he has NO trouble articulating what he’s not happy about.)
And you shoudl know by now that all opinions are welcome here, “even” those of a barren spinster. 🙂
You’re family never ceases to amuse me. If you think that’s fighting, you’d hate to live next to the Monettes. Lordy, Lordy. The kids are more freaked out when we hug (unusual occurance in ths house) than when we fight.
clean laundry?! and there was a fight? good lord…. you wouldnt survive in my world!!